Whatever is rejected from the self appears in the world as an event. - Carl Jung
The more I work with high-performing leaders, the clearer something becomes: one of the most essential and powerful shifts we can make for our development is that of shifting from a habit of self-judgment (resistance) to one of compassion (acceptance).
But we are just SO good at judging ourselves.
Why? We learned that judgment keeps us safe. But it also keeps us small. And the association of judgment with protection runs so deep that we don't even see it.
So, before we bypass, let's acknowledge the reality for a moment. It is risky to accept yourself fully in this world. Specifically, it's risky in terms of belonging and feeling accepted by others. People will get triggered by their lack of grounded self-worth when they sense yours and they will let you know it!
Plus, hyper-self-criticism keeps you on your toes so you stay relevant and valuable. You can always be better, right? Let down your guard and you might lose your standing.
The problem is that — aside from being less than enjoyable — all this self-judgment keeps us contracted. It prevents us from being truly connected to our authentic selves.
And that means we're not accessing our full creative ability and contributing to a better world in the way we're uniquely capable. Nor are we connecting as deeply as we could be within our relationships and the world around us.
Life feels less alive than we know it could be, and we bear unconscious resentment toward ourselves because we know we're keeping ourselves down. And when we don't address this within ourselves, our relationships face unpleasant repercussions.
The good news is that this way of being is learned, and so it can be unlearned. And quite rapidly within the right framework.
So, let's hit it. What is it, exactly, we're accepting? And where do we start?
We're accepting:
Our life, in general // being alive // the messiness that comes with being human
Our life, specifically // being ourselves // our personal qualities, 'good' and 'bad'
Our life, in this moment // being in discomfort // the intensity of the moment
We are allowing ourselves to be our imperfect, evolving, uncertain selves.
This is the foundation of presence and growth that emerges from presence. It means, through daily practice, giving ourselves the space to allow our full experience so we can practice accepting what is.
When we accept what is, we can eventually enjoy freed up energy that was being directed towards holding onto judgment, and that opens up new awareness around how to move forward along our path.
To get started, presence a vision+feeling of the state you're intending to create.
REFLECTION EXERCISE
Ask yourself:
How might it look to truly, madly, deeply (fully and compassionately) allow my life to be what it is?
How might it feel to heal the leaky faucet of self-judgment that has been depleting my energy, drip by drip, for years?
How might life look different when — instead of collecting in buckets — that energy is flowing toward real self-acceptance?